i don’t know. there is too many thoughts inside my head, it makes it hard to filter them equally, so i can understand what i’m trying to express. people don’t understand what i mean. it’s not that they’re stupid, they just don’t get me. They misunderstand what i’m trying to tell them. Fuck. I cry when I’m frustrated. Not when I’m sad. When I tell people what I say then I tell them what I mean. I don’t say these things to make them feel not so bad about themselves but because that is what i am trying to say. When i say i want to be alone for just some time, then i mean that, i am not trying to say “i’m sad, help me.” i’m saying “please let me be for a few minutes and i’ll figure things out, i’ll call you if i need your help, thank you.” Not that I want to be mean, thank you for trying, but it frustrates me that they can’t get it in their head. Why can’t they accept it. I am seriously trying. Really, i am. But obviously I am not expressing what i try to express, enough. I just hate drama. I really do. Of course it’s part of life but I try to just.. asojdfodshg mmmm. whatever. I have problems expressing myself because there is too many thoughts inside my head. i think too much, it hurts. I get headaches constantly because i can’t do it. I think I should get a therapist… not to i don’t know, because i have “such a bad life”, no, that’s not true. I just think that a person who will listen to me and not judge me or try to disagree with what i think, will help.
So the last few days have been pretty.. uh, i don’t know, different? Things with him have been pretty rough. Last wednesday after school we walked home together and it was just like old times, when we were best friends, when everything was good. That night i though that things were finally back to normal. But to my disappointment, the next day he went back to the awkward relationship between us. it made me so fucking angry and sad and all the emotions mixed together. Ugh. Everyday I was just wishing for that one night where it all began to have never happened so that things wouldn’t be like they were right now. So I haven’t been bothering with him much lately. Then yesterday (monday) I went to catch up with R and him, they were walking to the bus stop, and then he kind of started making kind of mean jokes about me and stuff and I got upset and tried not showing it but I guess he kind of noticed because when I walked somewhere else he was like friendly and all and the next day (today) he tried talking to me a little and he was really nice so I guess he regrets being so mean and ignoring me? Then today after school he also kind of ran from behind and grabbed my ass (which is an old inside joke between us) i know it might seem very perverted to you but i know what it means and that made me kind of hopeful. So i’ll see tomorrow what it’s gunna be like between me and him. Oh yeah, and guess what, he’s leaving back to Romania in a week. FUCK. it like makes my heart drop. Ugh, i don’t even want to think about it.
And by the waaay, i just came back from Kruidvat (shop) and bought a new coral shade nailpolish from GOSH and another lime eyepencil, also from GOSH. And then I bought this foundation/face cream from Nivea and this roll-on thing for under my eyes because i always have these big eye bags because i don’t sleep enough, from Garnier. So yeah, that’s all good. Treated myself to a little something. haha.
So yeah, I’m probably gunna do my homework, paint my nails and, um, well just chill i’m guessing?
That’s all. Love,
Life.
I woke up around an hour ago to my 26 year olds uncles voice who lives in australia, congratulating me for my birthday which was about a week ago. I was still half asleep and half awake so I kind of didn’t realize what was going on until I fell of the bed. Yeah, I fell off the bed, the person that i am. Anyways, yesterday night was pretty much amazing. I was so exited to see “Alice in wonderland” even though so many people said I shouldn’t expect too much, it’s a really bad movie. But at the end I thought it was really good actually, I don’t think it was that bad as everybody said it was. Although to be honest, if Johnny Depp wouldn’t have played the mad hatter, I think it would have made the movie way worse. Oh my god, this movie made me fall more in love with Johnny Depp. He is just too amazing, to not to love. But yeah, after the movies, at around 10:00-11:00 we were walking through town, getting checked out by dutch teenagers and shit. It was pretty funny. Even the guys got checked out… Ahahaha. And then Guy* & Guy2* (*names are changed for safety issues) called and they were like “Ey, where are you?” and crap and it was a pretty insane night.
Right now it’s 10:33 am. At 11:00 am, I am going jogging with a friend because we decided we should get fit so that we’re not complete fat asses. I hope we’ll run at least 10 minutes. Doesn’t sound like much but believe me, 10 minutes for a person like me, is extremely much. Okay, not extremely but i think you know what i mean? But yeah, i should put on my jogging stuff on now and get ready. Wish me luck. Seriously, I’ll need it.
Hugs ‘n kisses as always,
Life.
So I’ve actually managed to get my fat ass off the bed and away from the computer and go take a shower for less than 20 minutes. I’m surprised by what i’m capable of doing when I push myself just a little… okay, maybe a lot but still.
Now i’ve only got around 1 hour left or less to play violin for at least 30 minutes, go buy credit for my phone and make myself look acceptable enough so i can actually show my face to the public. I don’t use a lot of makeup. Rarely any really. I use mascara and those coverup sticks to cover up my ridiculous bags under my eyes which I get from not sleeping enough… Actually I always have bags under my eyes, I don’t know, I was just born with them but luckily there was a thing such as cover up sticks invented that helps me hide them. The reason why I only use mascara and cover up is because to be honest, my skin is pretty amazing, not trying to show off. But It rarely ever gets any pimples and if I do, they go away after a day or something. So yeah. By the way, wish me luck getting everything ready in time? You better.
So yeah, I’ll update later when I get back from the movies, if I still feel like it. Otherwise, speak to you tomorrow?
Hugs ‘n kisses & as always,
Life.
So it’s 3:29 and I still haven’t done anything productive really. I haven’t eaten anything in 5 hours either which might not sound like much but it is pretty much a record to me. I eat a lot, you have to know, but I am not fat… yet. I weigh like 50 kg i think and i am around 1.69 meters small so i think that’s a pretty fair weight, right?
Currently I’m listening to M.I.A and stalking through internet. The movies, I’m seeing “Alice in wonderland” today, start at 6:00 and i’m meeting up with Feathers* and Tom Cruise* (*names have been changed due to privacy & safety reasons) to take bus to center. It’s 3:33 pm right now which means i have around 1 and a half hours left to go take a shower, play violin for at least 30 minutes and to go buy credit for my phone. Seems like a lot of time but the lazy ass that I am, 1 and a half hours are like 30 minutes to complete all of that. So I guess that means I should better get going before I forget to stand up again and get my ass moving.
Goodbye.
I will update later sometime.
Hugs&Kisses,
Life.
Hey,
My name is Life and I just found out about tumblr and thought, hey, why not make a blog, you know? Anyways. Today I woke up at around 9:00-10:00 am. I made a plan for the day because I should get more “organized”.
This is what I wrote down on my plan for the day:
13/03/10
10:35- Put on jogging clothes & get ready
10:40- Brush teeth
10:43- Eat breakfast
10:55- Play violin
11:20- Do some stuff for yourself (optional)
11:30- Go jogging
11:40- Take a shower
So basically, I completed everything until the “Do some stuff for yourself (optional)” because I ended up on the computer (here) and couldn’t get off anymore. Yeah, that’s me. So I didn’t go jogging which means I didn’t get my daily workout which means I will become fat and die sooner or later. But anyways, tonight I’m going to go see “Alice in wonderland” with friends. I’m super stoked. And I really hope he comes to the movies… Why does it have to be so complicated with him? It sucks. I wish we could just go back to being best friends. That was amazing.
Yeah, okay, I should stop with my whole daydreaming shit. I have to go take a shower after this, because my hair is greasy and I smell bad. Yum. I’ll probably update later today again… maybe. We’ll see. So yeah, this was my first blog on here and I hope to continue on.
Hugs&Kisses,
Life.
